ME...(Thats so Egotisical)

Bike and Cities Vs Bikes in the Suburbs

2009-05-29T04:10:02Z

How is it i can ride my bike to school in a major city and feel safer than when i ride my bike to the store in my hometown suburb....

I knew that i would be different, but people in suburbs have no idea how to drive with bikes. Yes bikes can move into the left hand turn lane and turn, just like cars...because bikes are moving vehicals too! (thats for you Ms. Black BMW) I had to watch out for cars in Boston...but the cars here act like I have no place being on the road. And then to top it all off when asked if i wanted paper or plastic, I said neither I would put them in my back pack because i'm biking...them said "What....? so you want plastic" No, I want to put them in my back pack....meh *grummble*

Now i must focus on carving some more stamps...Letterboxing madness!

Figure drawing

2009-03-02T21:39:47Z

If i every have to draw another figure it will be too soon ^_~

But 5 hours in and 105 figures later...i feel like i'm making ok progress....I will ink my drawing tonight so help me. All of this for "the opera project" in Costume design 2. I'm tring to fit 130 figures into on drawing....which might be the most complicated group plate I've ever tried to complete. I'm thinking it will take me about 25 hours in total to finish (including color). Well this round out the 10 min break i gave my self inbetween drawing.

Some holes never close... well not yet

2009-02-18T08:00:21Z

Humans are so flawed...well at least i am and i hope that i'm not alone. I usually feel that as a person that i can roll with the punches...but just one incident leaves me feeling like i've been punched in the heart and sometimes it feels like it always will. Is it bad that sometimes i dream of just dropping ever thing and leaving, just to see where the world takes me. I love to think that i'm as indepent as i pretend to be, but then when my relationships take turns on me...i can't bail....I don't know. This is what happens when i can't sleep...But in these moments between being truely awake and half asleep...i find myself missing people that I'm pretty much sure i pushed out of my life...and that feeling sucks...

I need out!....and a job

2009-02-06T05:05:16Z

I NEED OUT!!!!! out of my apartment, out of Boston, out of Massacuettes, out of my jobs, out things holding me back. I just need to escape. I'm ready to move on and re-invent my self. I tire of who i am now....i have be come frustrated with who I am and who I've become. I feel and small shinny piece of who i want to be still alive inside of me. I found it over the last 2 nights....I haven't felt so good about things in years....and I'm ready to do anything to keep feeling the way tues and weds have made me feel. I'm ready to discard everything that hurts, suck, and angers me. For a moment I felt that I was going to change the world and ment it....and I remember i don't need to settle for anything and I don't need to sell short of what i want and need.

I have run the course with this "Kat" I'm ready to re-create my self again.

blah

2008-10-27T03:14:26Z

I remember in the good old days when someone was mad at you and you were mad at them...you'd just stop talking to them. Now i find myself in a 4 way phone battle of emotions. If anyone involved in this mess is reading. Stop call the other side. The quickest way to heal this is to stop all communication with the people that have hurt you or the ones close to you. I know we all are hurting and we want other people to hurt...believe me I've been there. But lets learn to take the high group and just stop talking about it. I anyone feels like the are hurting a lot...good see someone. I'm telling you most schools have consoling centers...go talk to someone...and stop talk to the people that make it worse...for yourselves and because it is driving me up a wall. I just want to move on...and if any of us care about each other's feelings at all, we'll make it so we can all just move on.

Fuck'n A lets be adults about this.

2 years vacation...

2008-10-17T04:41:35Z

Well here I am again...mostly because i need a place to dump my feelings.

I'm currently angery, emotional, and lonely....and i want to be saved.

I know that when you have problems there is no knight...or princess in shining armor that will sweep in and make everything in life better, but it feels so good to pretend there is. This summer has left me a little bit of an emotional mess. I've never been so out of control with my emotions, than i was this summer. I'm improving right now...but things are still unhinged a bit.
Today was a bad day....I was emotional...just a mess. The discussion that was at the end of my queer drama class left me a bit steamed...mostly becuase we just didn't have time to get into our discussion. I hate starting a really big discussions without having time to really finish them. That was on top of Moe being brought up again. I'm so mad at her right now and i don't know if all of the aggression i have for her is justified...but I have so much animostiy inside. When i feel myself slipping i just want to be held and told its all going to be ok and i want to feel safe...even if its a lie and there is no way to know it is. I wanted Ashley just to be there and hold me for 20 mins while i cried out what i need to. But it turned into wheither or not i was good timing. Reassuring that she wanted to be there and loved me, she need to do her homework. And i know she needs to be in school and doing her homework....but i just wanted to be scooped up and saved. It is even more scary because this summer i felt down and depressed a lot and she wasn't there. And i know it is conicdence that she was busy tonight, but it scares me because i don't want to be left like that again. I don't want to be treated like that ever again. I want her to be the woman I deserve to be with.
I'm also scared because I wanted to go to her house to have a place to hide from the world...but Ash can't work while i'm there. I just wanted to curl up her bed a watch her knowing that even if feel like i'm falling she would come to bed when she was done and hold me. I still want that i want her to be able to do things that she needs to while i'm around. I want to be able to do homework together....i don't always want to be a distraction.
I just don't have enough time with her yet.

Dreams...and not the ispiring kind.

2006-09-20T10:27:45Z

I really need to stop eating things before i go to bed because i swear i have the most vivid dreams.... Tonight:

It started in a musesum somewhere in middle America, its big exisibite was of a skeleton that was mostly of human form but looked mutated. The skull was bigger and more pointed, the forhead was enlarged and the being was very tall in general. The being is kept in a room behind big glass windows. I worked as a tour guide there (i think) and just when were about to close and the last tour of school childern is leaving, a woman walks in. She turns the cornner and we're standing face to face. The woman askes me,
"Are you ready?"
I reply yes and close my eye. When i open them we have traded apperences (i can only guess that she is/was Mystic from the popular x-men series). I, appering as the women, turn and began to leave the mueseum. The woman, now looking like me, uses my security card to enter the room in which the skeleton is kept. The curtains in the room have been pulled now so you can't see whats going on, when she gains access into the room i follow her. When inside the women changes back to her "normal" form and i am returned to mine, but i am no wearing clothes that denote a much more sinister existance. In the room there is the woman that mantains all the exisibites and she questions use as soon as we enter,
"You're not going to take him..."
"He is a god." Mystic answers, and with that she queitly twists the neck or the woman so she is parlised, not dead. With a smile she turns around and says, "We must find a bag to put the bones in."
This skeleton that we are packaging up is one of the first signs the humans are mutating or evolving again, he is also believed to be one of the most powerful mutants to have ever exisited, think about the epic stories of ancient Egypt...now imagine that this man and created all those deastors. As me and Mystic are packing a few more people come to join us (one of them is the girl Jess who lives on my floor). We are all talking a celibrating our slight victory, when i start to voice concern for the keeper of the exibit. Mytic glides over and hushes me as she pours a few drops of a black liquid on to the woman's forehead and then turns to me and does the same....
I began to drift into unconcousness...
"So this is death?" I wisper...

I awake to Mystic standing over me and the whole skeleton is done being packed. It it separated into about 8 bubbled warped envalopes. I look confused and try to grab some ones attention, when Mystic answers the question i haven't asked yet,
"Yes, you're alive. One more drop and you would have joined your friend over there. Sercuity will be coming soon, everyone grab a package and lets go." We all take one of the envalopes filled with the beings bones, but before we exit the building Mystic changes our apperences once again.

Then the next scene I'm at my friend, Nick R.'s house in summerville...but his house is now on my street back in CA. We both appear to be very nervous as I yell at him to get ready. We're both running around like madmen, but we seem to be acomplising very little. We're both waiting for nicks roommate to get back so we can leave. The United States Government has issued a proclamtion saying that all mutants are being detanted and the any person found using]

memories....i miss you

2006-08-06T02:45:57Z

I've spent so much of my life looking forward that when i stop and look back it almost hurts to remeber. I've lived much of my life in the moment because i thought that i would miss the next step, but i come to realise that i might have been burning bridges to the past. I miss people in my life that i've allowed to grow distant. I spend a lot of time hoping people remeber me, but I don't always take enough time to remeber them. I look at photos from the past and i wish i could have the small moment of time back. Be it a glance, a laugh, a moment; i miss it. Its strange to look back at the amount of people i've shared my time, thoughts, and love and to realise that they've faded in to just photos, soundbites, and memories. So i guess if you're reading this blog, i want to say i miss you. I hope i can talk to you again. Much Love, Kat/Katie/Orion

yeah

2005-10-24T02:58:51Z

yeah...so if you want to read mindless ramblings of my mind go to: www.myspace.com/knakaji

enjoy

Yay for Teen age poems!!

2005-03-28T05:06:06Z

YAY for teenage poems, i summited my 8 (yes 8) poems for "Sounding" Sooo exciting I know. I'm in overall a good mood. Easter wasn't so bad, but if another obscure relitive askes me about my college plans...i swear...i'm going to tell them i'm going to Somalia to study some odd African tounge then i will be doing a charater study of male whores in paris....I mean really.
I think i caught my cusine off gaurd we were talking about Lobseter and the East Coast, and I meantioned my Ex-gf had lobseter flown in for dinner...she had that moment of....*wait, should i correct her...no..no she serious* *HUH* * I mean normal face, normal face* it was a good time. We plan to go to coffee with our GBs.
I should be finishing The Awaking, but i can't be bothered....
I'm in a good mood. ^_^ Smiles!

puggyphant @ 2005-03-23T22:18:00

2005-03-24T06:48:15Z

I am totally for regression currently i'm one step from my blanket, stich, and a coloring book. I really just mean to do good by people, try to included everyone...make the world a kinder place, and yet the best laid plans of mice and men. Some how i just make life harder for people. I just want a world where people don't over think things...that some things are just taken at face value. But then again, i want a lot of things.

Here once again

2005-02-28T04:02:25Z

So here I sit in the middle of the room...Yeah this weekend was pretty damn good. On friday I went to Alison's b-day. Chilled Tom and I did a little myspace serching. Then on Satuday I did some Okie-homa costuming with my other partner in costuming crime the one the only Meg Steves. Then it was Jazz cabera!! SO MUCH FUN! Plus me and the workman had so many cool moves....we rocked. I had so much fun dancing with people. Breaking it down. My feet were later bitching at me like none other, but it was all good. I was willing to give into that for the awsomness of the night. Plus i wasn't going to take off my shoes...they were too awsome. Today (Sunday) My family and I drove around Cali, i got new shoes...there really cool. I plan to wear them on monday. OH and I'm feeling much better (after the crash) I'm my old self. ^_^

Car Fun!

2005-02-21T05:42:53Z

Sooo I just though I would update this quickly cus I haven't been online lately.
I got in a car crash...it suck....I'm ok. We all got out pretty un-damaged. Yeah...880 at night not a fun road. The eggplant is out of commisson for now, and I'm back in the Zee (Kasandra). I just glad that it turned out as good as it did, cus i could have been a lot worse. Sorry for the short post, but i'm sleepy.

Ugly Pants

2005-02-13T20:17:54Z

Well I forced them to buy ugly pants...but they are just the right look. Plus it was their last day of business so we got the boots for $12 off. Sigh.

HA!!!!!!

2005-02-13T05:47:19Z

I GOT INTO COLLEGE!!! its not my top choice, but I am going to college!!! I no longer have to worry about not goint anywhere. Should the rest of the world shun me, I will go to CSU Long Beach. *lets deep breath out* But lets hope the rest of the world likes me too!

And now on to something compleatly different....
WHY OKLAHOMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, really, ewwwwwwww....in case you are confused, my school has chosen Oklahoma! as the spring musical....I though Josphe was pushing the sigh-meter. But now I am forcing ususecting males to purchese ugly pants......ugly ugly ugly pants....but OHhhhhh so perfect for the time-period. I was amased they still made pants like that...but I guess cowboys haven't changed all that much in 200 years.

YAY its BREAK!!!!!!!!!

I see a fondue trip in the future....I will make it in this time!

Just Got to make it to Friday!!!!!!!!

2005-02-08T04:16:40Z

Just one week and then break....Just 4 more days then break.....YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! Chip and I goal is to not skip class tomorrow...it's a noble goal... This semester is going to be soooooooo hard...in the since I'll never be in class. I've grown tried of home...I try to be there as little a possible. I sure more exciting things have happened in my life since I last posted but I don't remeber them.

GRRRRRRRRRR

2005-02-03T05:22:36Z

I will admit I am a Project Runway Addict... This week they re-designed the Postal Worker outfit. Lucky my three favorite Designer made it . The worst two were...well really bad. One barly re-designed it and the other looked like it hadn't been finished. The un-finished one was better though, well I like it more. It had logic about it...not as stronge as the other but there was some. But Grrr the voted off the one i though was better. And I really dislike that wendy chick. And it is my right as a veiwer to have that opinion. She is just a whiny brat. Anyway rock on Project Runway!

Hell yes!

2005-02-01T18:33:17Z

There is a "youth" dance at the Billy De Frank Center on Feb 18th!!! I can't wait all my geebees have been saying we need a gay dance! And we're going to dance the night away!

Atamawaiitaidesu.

2005-02-01T18:16:53Z

Translation: My head hurts.

All I really wanted was a week of rest, not too much to do. Spider's Web is over and Laramie is over (well kinda)* and the group is pretty stable...But no my life can have no such stopping. Maybe I'm just a stress junky, but I doubt it. So my lil sister is sick and my dad, who already has asthma, is developing pnumonia. So we're watching him sleep, so we can check if anything is getting worst. Thus I'm running on about 3/4 hours of sleep. It scares me, he's not in a good condition to be getting sick, espcally anything in his lungs. But I can only go on with life.

puggyphant @ 2005-01-30T21:32:00

2005-01-31T05:59:13Z

Ahhhh the last day of Spider's Web has come and gone. I'll kinda miss it, it was very stressful...I missed face-less nature of tech. It is a dubble edged sword. Its niced to get complimented by people in the lobby, it's freaky to get stopped by people you don't know when you're tring to leave. It was a really good reminder of why I am a tech. But i've decided there is a scale of tech vs actor.
1 = Compleatly Actor
6 = Compleatly Tech
I'm about a 5ish, Chip thinks he's about a 2...I give him the benifit of the doubt.
Now I can start concentrating on my various costume design projects! Okie-homa and R.U.R. <---Which is such a great play. I urge all to read it.

Tonight was great. But it makes me want to be in college already.

puggyphant @ 2005-01-28T10:04:00

2005-01-28T18:09:18Z

So sitting here in 3rd period... one of my favorite times and places to post. Racheal and I had a great conversation relating friends to puppies. Sometimes you just want to cuddle with them, becuase they are so cute and loving. Other times you want to kick them, becuase they just chewed up your best pair of shoes. Well I'm off to reserch Locke, for government. blah....

Fuck

2005-01-28T08:04:24Z

Fuck. Its close to midnight...or possible passed,I don't care, and I haven't gone to bed yet. Not only do I have school tomorrow, I have to preform a play. And I have the hiccups, now if you've never witnessed my hiccup, words cannot discribe the experience of my hiccups. Yes, if nothing else i will procliam I have some fucking awsome hiccups.

I need to not be awake I feel deep thinking comming on...I've just been in an overall bizzare mood latly. I found my self getting upset (and not just like an *Oh that was sad* but a *holding back tears / pondering why the world is so crule and why didn't I do anything to change it* mood) over the Le Mis soundtrack. And then it started to raining...not fun little drizzle...overfollowing fatty drops of it.
In this weird mood of mine I find myself only wanting to see some people, others I feel like I might kill them...but you know me, I am incapable of staying mad at anyone longer than 20 hours...so really this feeling had little to no effect on my personality and relationships.
I need one of those too...ok so I don't need it but it would be nice. (<---In reference to relationships)

I'll pause for a life update...Finished with the Laramie Project today. That was kinda cool. But for the rest of the day I just should have had a neon rainbow flag above my head...you know next to the one that says, "I know gay people" Because the newspaper like to think I am the keeper of the gays. -_- But an upside to this mood is my American Government papers become infinetly more fun to fill out. ^_^

I want to go on a big fucking road trip! and now i will depart to sit in the dark and pretend to finish my homework or sleep.

Sigh

2005-01-26T05:39:57Z

FInally time to sit and update this shin-dig...rock on.

OK so Opened Spider's Web that went pretty well. I hope I can remember my lines this friday. >.< Yes, after spiders I went to Carrows with a whole bunch of peoples....we passed Juila Wei off as 10....that was fun...I made up a whole confusing back story...other people were not as amused as I was. Sigh such is life...well I be in the connor laughing my ass off!

Then Yesterday Opened Laramie...it was rocken...Me and Sonnet got threw our lines with no realy damage. Plus the set isn't half bad...I like it...the color tones don't match, but whatever. I like it. I'm proud of it. Went to Carrows after Laramie...Went to Carrows twice this week and got beat there both times....my life is sad...but I'll look at it this was...I didn't commit a crime to win...cough cough *nick* cough. But I'll accept defeat.

Now i'm back in class...rock that school = a good thing ....right?

OHHHHH yeah. the DTF*....I'm so glad Tom joined the ranks...i'm a little nervious...I don't think it is going to acomplish a people hope it will..but i'll try to stay positive.

*Diversity Task Force

puggyphant @ 2005-01-17T19:21:00

2005-01-18T03:40:25Z

wow, my birthday rocked. I got to have lunch with a whole bunch of my friends and then we got to go lazer questing. I got whole bunch of cool stuff. Esp. my new car...it was a join ish birthday/chirstmas thing. Its purple and beatuiful.. I heart it. well now i'm off to target land to get a new game for my Nintedo Dos (which is awsome)!

Life Etc.

2005-01-05T04:25:54Z

So here starts a New Year. So far this one has started stressful.

I realise how much my friends (esp. the ones I don't see every day) mean to me. So I take this small peice of cyber space to Thank you, all of you...

Run...finals are here!!!!!!!!!